So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize