I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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