Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
