I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And then he peed in my hair
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