I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
