Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize