I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
