You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
