Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
