She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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