If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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