he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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