Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
