I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
