Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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