I'm passing your future prison.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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