He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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