May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
