I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
