You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
