College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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