i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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