Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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