As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
