the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
