3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
