I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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