if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
