Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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