Non-Jews are for practice
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
