trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
