Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
