I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
