I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
