If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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