he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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