That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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