i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
