I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
