If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
