the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
