there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is Oprah even human
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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