I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
