I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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