I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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