he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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