then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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