I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
