Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
