U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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