She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
