he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
