Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
