i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you never un-have a 4some
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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