so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
