I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
