We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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