I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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