this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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