She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
