Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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