the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
