You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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