apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
