so explain again why im purple
no
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
