I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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