I think I won the penis lottery.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
