If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
