Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
