my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
