Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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