Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we should paint friendship bongs
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