You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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