So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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