Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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