At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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