When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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