i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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