I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and she was petting her beer can
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
