Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
